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FLASH IN THE DAYS

I would like to introduce a fellow blogger friend of mind who's blog I adore. He's inspirational, thought provoking and brilliant to say the least. I will be posting some of his work from time to time but you can get a daily dose by logging on to flashinthedays.com or by just going to my Favorite Links on the sidebar. Here's one to grow on:

LOVE DIDNT LEAVE

I want to have a relationship with you, but until I am satisfied with God we are through.
I masked who I am to get closer to the facade of who I painted for you.

Are we through?

I asked myself that a time or two. I met you. I love you, but I dont want to regret you. I upset me by hurting the core of you.

I lied so much I lost myself in gaining you.

The relationship I yearned for was one I was not working for. I spent day and night getting close, but I placed all my cards in the wrong deck. I get upset when I look back at how we met.

You found me near the pinnacle of spiritual success. Now I am walking uphill with you to shoulder my climb.

Am I fine? Maybe in looks, but not at this season in time!

All this time I worked on us, I never worked with God in mind.

The mystery of my iniquity is that I needed a relationship with God more than we need a relationship with we.

I told God to tell me which direction to look towards so I could see the view of you that I saw in me. I channel my inner self to turn the pages of the past to gain the wealth.
Knowledge of self.

I want to know why we don't work?

It's not because of your attitude or the way we curse. We are not apart because we cannot coexist in the midst of yelling, distance or stolen words.

Silent feelings may sound like harmful verbs, but my actions silence the the cries split over harmful overtones, and the discord of harmony.

We lied.

We never said God was the head of our lives.

Our motto was we try. He tries. She tried. I tried. We cried. We talked it over.

No, no.

We were living an immaculate spotless lie!

God's help was what we needed, but we couldn't conceive to birth the relationship we once fostered.

Together we created a monster when we sat down with pride looked inside and told God we don't need you. Our relationship will be fine we can lean on each other.

That was the biggest lie we told each other when we said "we are leaning on the truth."

God I thought I could live without you. I doubted your ability to lead me into the world of a relationship with her. I didn't realize "women are a mystery."

Truth be told I am a mystery to behold. I need you to help me see that she compliments me when I learn to have a better relationship with you that completes my purpose and reaches my dream.


The Chronicles of Todd Alexander

THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

As women we are a complex creature. Men can all gather in one common place drink, smoke, play cards and video games. Watch sports, even watch strippers together and have no problems whatsoever. While I've noticed a lot of women have groups of girlfriends in various categories: best friends, childhood/neighborhood girlfriends, work/school girlfriends, party/vacation girlfriends, and the boyfriend/husband's friend's girl/wife.


In a way that is completely unexplainable we can somehow manage to juggle and keep these girlfriends separate up until the day we get married! Which by that time it really doesn't matter because after a few months you will most likely only hang out with your married girlfriends. I mean let's face it who wants a bunch of single party girls around their husband. I'm not married so I don't have to deal with that harsh reality as of yet. Even if I were I really don't think I would have that problem. I am honestly, truly blessed when it comes to the friend department. I have beautiful male and female friends that I love and adore dearly. Some who have been in my life for many years while others most of my life.

You see I'm a girl's girl, we can talk about it all, shop, lunch/brunch, sip cocktails, trade recipes, fix our hair, do make-up, have spa dates, cry at our favorite movies and dance to our favorite songs. I'm also a guy's girl, my dudes and I can talk relationships, go to sporting events (preferably boxing), take back a couple of shots, pop some bottles, have a scotch  or cognac, smoke a cigar, ride out to our favorite songs, have some wings and hit the strip joint. It is that idiosyncrasy that sets me apart from the rest. I truly wish that everyone could have these kinds of  friendships because I know I have something that not everyone can have. I have the best of both worlds and I love it!

Smooches…Ms. Milky Gabor

AINT NO LOVE IN THE HEART OF THE CITY
'SINGLE IN NEW YORK'

Being single in New York for a certain period of time will open you up to different ways to meet people. Recently I allowed a friend of mine to set me up on a blind date. I’m not opposed to blind dates because I’ve been on a few in the past and actually had a great time. I also acquired some good friendships that way so when I was approached I was all for it.

A few weeks ago my friend Tania and I met up for happy hour. Tania and I use to work together and now at least once a month we try to get together and catch up. In the midst of conversation and a few drinks in Tania blurts out “Oh my God I have the perfect guy for you.” I believe the only questions I asked were what was his race and what he did for a living. When Tania and I worked together it was at a major bank’s corporate office; so when she told me he worked in finance and securities I didn’t think anything of it.

The next week Tania called me to say that she gave David my number and that he would be calling me later that evening. For some reason or another David and I just couldn’t get it together to hold a conversation. We kept missing each other’s calls so we decided via text to just meet up for dinner. We agreed on meeting that Wednesday evening at one of my favorite restaurants. We were to meet at 8pm. I arrived early so I could have a cocktail to calm my nerves.  I’m sitting at the bar and I’m talking to the resident bartender Rick about my upcoming date. It seemed like time flew and before I knew it, it was 8:10pm. I had to dig into the bottom of my pocketbook so I could check my phone and sure enough David had left me a text message saying he was running late. I texted him back to say that it was ok. When I went to put my phone back in my purse there was a man standing close to me, almost on my shoulder. I moved a little forward in my seat as I turned around.

I had on dark shades so I couldn’t really make out who I was looking at or exactly what he was looking like. I just heard him say “Hi pretty what’s your name?” As I began to focus in on him I could see he had his hair pulled back in a ponytail and had on a full karate outfit. The first thing that ran through my mind was who the hell let this fool in here looking this crazy? Not that wearing a karate outfit is crazy but wearing one in a restaurant on Madison Avenue is. All I could say to him was “I’m sorry I’m not trying to be rude but I’m waiting for someone.” As I turned my head back around I could see the reservationist Jackie walking towards me smiling. As she became closer I heard her asking if “we” were ready to be seated. She reached to pick up my drink and I put my arm out to stop her and asked her “What are you doing?” Her facial expression then changed and said “Your guest is here so I was going to move your drink to your table for you. When I turned back around this clown was grinning from ear to ear. He had the audacity to say “Surprise!” I can’t even express in words my horror. I was completely confused; I struggled to say “Your David?” I know my face was expressing my horror because I could not believe what was happening.

With all of my being I was trying to think of a way to get out of walking through this restaurant with this dude in tow. I couldn’t even hold my composure but at the same time I didn’t want to be a complete asshole. Somehow we made it to our table and to this day I can’t tell you how because I feel as if I blacked out or left my body or something. Now I know some of you may be saying I’m being way too dramatic. I promise you this is me being extremely good because dude looked like Sho Nuff’s stunt double. Seriously, and I don’t know how to function or deal with stupidity. Under no circumstances is it ever ok to come to a restaurant in that insane attire. Past that all I could think of was exactly how I was going to attack and beat the shit out of Tania.

Needless to say dinner was not had by the two of us together that night or any other night for that matter. After sitting down and looking across the table at him dinner and conversation was not going down, but a couple of questions were in order.

"So David, I thought you were coming straight from work?"

"Yeah I was but I decided to get a little work out in before heading over."

"And you didn't think you should probably change first?"

"Nah, I figured you'd find it sexy you know, knowing that you will be protected."

As I took the last swig of my dirty martini I said "So you thought I would find you sexy and feel protected if I met a perfect stranger for dinner for the first time wearing a Sensei outfit? That alone lets me know that we can't go any further than this moment right here."

"I don't understand."

"I know you don't sir and that is a major problem for me and in all reality it should be for you as well. Have a blessed day."

As I walked out past Jackie she said "Better luck next time."

I smiled because as crazy as that was I know I'm going to do it again. I hailed a cab and gave the driver Tania's address as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail.


Smooches…Ms. Milky Gabor

I CAN SEE IN COLOR

            No longer can you hurt me; no longer do I feel a desire to be accepted by you or your kind. You can’t hurt my feelings, you can’t steal my joy. You can no longer make me feel like an outsider. My complexion is just fine and my weight is too thank you.

            No more does that overwhelming sadness cloud me like a rainy day. Your hateful lies and actions no longer affect me. All of your negative energy and behavior is your business and yours alone. I’m so over you and your madness I can’t even properly express it in words. I’m not crazy, delusional, a victim or any of the other nasty lies you so gladly spread about me. What goes on in the dark always comes to light and all will be revealed. I pray for you still. You see I gave myself to God and I am allowing my creator to take control.

I’m not in competition with you or anyone else for that matter. I’m on my journey, I’m in my lane. I do some things well, some things not so much but there’s one thing I’m perfect at and it’s being Ms. MotherFuckin Milky Gabor! Know that! Crass, Un-lady like? Maybe but eh it’s like that sometimes. So I wish you all the best and hope you accomplish great things in whatever it is that you do.

“It took a long time to get here to this place and now that I’m here no one can ever erase the joy that I feel way down deep inside. The love that I have for me will never die. I can see in color, the first sign of spring the rose buds are blooming. I got a new song to sing. Life looks so amazing I never knew that it could. Opened my eyes and for the very first time I can see in color. Everything looks beautiful sky so baby blue. I’m anxious to know where the rest of this road will go. If April showers bring flowers than I need more rain; to quench the drought in me so rain on me! ”  WHEW! I CAN SEE IN COLOR YALL!

Smooches…Ms. Milky Gabor

READY TO SUBMIT TO HIM?

       Lately I have been reflecting on my past relationships. I do this sometimes when I get into a funk about why I am single. I go over in my mind what I did right and wrong and how I can improve myself as a person. I thought about a request that I received more than once and that request was to be submissive. Let me start off by saying that under certain circumstances I can understand it. I have been told in the past that I am too head strong, too independent, that I have a cold heart. I was once told "I'm sorry Milk that I can't turn my feelings off and on like you." I have also been told that I need to be broken, like a horse (WOW! really dude). Those two comments were made by two different men that each requested I become submissive. I don't know what having a "cold heart" has to do with being submissive. I simply don't wear my heart on my sleeve.

       
       It has been from my experience and in my opinion that this request of submissiveness generally comes from men that are insecure within themselves for whatever reason. Either they have the Napoleanic complex, they don't make as much money as they want, they don't think they're attractive, they hate their mother or some other issue.

       When I say in certain situations that I can understand being submissive I mean when a fully secure man who is happy with himself in all aspects of his life or at least somewhat satisfied is posing the request. How do you know when a man is fully secure within himself? He won't ask you, you just will because you want to.

       I'm still a little a fuzzy on exactly how submissive I should be and when. I had one former lover tell me I could do whatever I wanted in all areas of our relationship except in the bedroom. I was completely on board with that and had no problem with it being the lazy lover I can sometimes be. That is not what my last lover wanted, he wanted to fully control me. So on my quest to try and figure this all out I took to the dictionary to get a clear understanding of the word by definition. 
Submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants. Synonym: 1. tractable, compliant, pliant, amenable. 2. passive, resigned, patient, docile, tame, subdued. Clearly from what I've been told I'm working from the Antonym system of 1. rebellious, disobedient. I honestly don't think that's an accurate depiction of my behavior. I am more than happy to be a demure woman and allow you to open my door, pick up the check, receive gifts and all that other good stuff. In the same token I have no problem with picking up the check every once and a while, cooking, cleaning, presenting gifts and occassionally performing  a pole dance or two.

         Here's the thing, I simply have a problem with a man coming in the game in the ninth inning when everything that's done for me is by me without him putting work or time in and making demands or shall we say "requests". You can't just come at me requesting that I become submissive because you want to control me, feed a fetish or whatever the reason is. God knows I love being a woman with everything pink, sparkly and fluffy. I would love for someone to come in and take control of things but right now my go hard is serious and I need to be suited and booted in my ALL BLACK EVERYTHING.

Ladies are you submissive? Is it by will or request? Do any of you men want this and if so what is the reason by it?

Smooches…Ms. Milky Gabor

WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE DOESN’T LOVE YOU

            I am always mystified at the bravado of men who insist that their fear of commitment is somehow contributed by you and your lack of commitment to conform into the person that they believe would better fit their personality or lifestyle. I was forced to think about this after a conversation I had with an ex-boyfriend the other night. He was on the other end of my cell phone pleading his case or maybe even berating me I’m still not really clear because I was stuck and sort of zoned out on him for a second. Was he saying to me that he couldn’t be with me because I wouldn’t change back into the girl he met at 20 years old? I kept asking him the same question over and over again “Are you serious?” You see it is now 18 years later and I wouldn’t expect anyone to be the same exact person that they were so many years ago. That’s like asking me to be the same little girl I was in high school or college. I almost thought myself into a coma before I realized that it wasn’t about me conforming, changing, morphing or anything else. He simply didn’t love me. Oh but I let him take me through it first before I came to that realization. I could never be mad at him because the game he played I picked it. I knew full well what he was doing. He could never do anything to me that I didn’t allow him to do. I was simply in love and always have been with him since the moment I laid eyes on him. What’s really funny is if any of the other men that I dated knew what I allowed him to get away with they would be so mad because I have let dudes go for less. The thing is this; you know how you have that one dude that no matter what he takes you through you give him a pass? That’s exactly what it was.

We met 18 years ago when I was 20 years old and out of town. I was there for a stint and was elated to even see a New York dude. He was a street dude and I loved him for that. He was a real man’s man. You know the kind, the one who is no non-sense and about his business but likes you because you’re a girly girl. That was us; I loved the ground he walked on. He was so strong, the kind of guy that you felt safe with. The kind of guy who would constantly tell me how beautiful he thought I was. One day I realized that regardless as to how pretty he thought I was he was still stepping out. Not knowing that his thoughts were that no matter what he did I would always belong to him. Being so young and the no non-sense person that I was I don’t know how I stood for that? So I left him for someone else knowing all along in my heart that he was all I wanted. I needed to teach him a lesson. That was probably the biggest mistake I would ever make in my life. To this day he has never forgiven me for that but he’s always stayed around. When I was going through it with the man that I left him for he was always there. Once it was over between me and that man I tried to make amends with him. He led me to believe that it was possible that we could finally after all these years have something.

            What he really did though was lead me on and I let him. I was so remorseful and I really wanted it to be what I thought it should have been from the start. I don’t know if it was part of his plan to get me back for the wrong that he thinks I had done to him or what. I’m still confused about that. All I know is he could never expect for me to be the same gullible, confused and unaware girl that I was at 20 years of age.  I still think that he uses that at as an excuse. I think that his ego is in the way and he holds on to me just so that he can say he has me fawning over him; that I still want him. My thing is this if you don’t want me, if I’m not your end all be all what is the point? Why not let me go? Is the man’s ego so big? Can you not get past the past? Is it simply that I don’t know when to cut my losses? What do you do when the one you love no longer loves you?

Smooches…Ms. Milky Gabor

UNLUCKY IN LOVE

          I recently came across an article in regards to men having a biological clock. It got me to thinking; I never really put that much stock into the fact that as a woman I’m suppose to have a biological clock. I spent my entire adult life trying to avoid unwanted pregnancy and searching for the perfect relationship in hopes to one day get married and start a family. Somehow I always thought I had plenty of time. Now I’m feeling as if I may have made a huge mistake. As I am one month past my birthday I am now realizing that all I had dreamed and hoped for did not come to fruition nor does it look as if it ever will.

            Years ago it seemed as if I was the lucky one to be childless. I could always get up and go anywhere at the drop of a dime never looking for a babysitter when all my girlfriends were. I was always envied. They would tell me time and time again how lucky I was not to have any children.  My biggest obstacle was going out without my boyfriend if I just wanted to hang with the girls.
 Now…now I seem to be the third wheel (being single again and all). I’m still the only one without children; it doesn’t seem so cool anymore. The majority of my girlfriends for the exception of 2 or 3 have families. On the weekends instead of hitting clubs they’re hitting theme parks, movies and family dinners. They are doing family oriented events leaving me to feel like an outcast. I wonder should I have thrown caution to the wind and became a statistic? Were my expectations too high as an inner city black woman? What made me think I could find my knight in shining armor? What would make me think I could live a fairy tale?

            I’ll tell you who…my parents! My parents made me think that I could live a fairy tale, that one day that man would come along and make everything ok. My mom and dad have been together since they were 14 and 18 years old. They have been married for 38 years. I was always in a household with two parents; for better or worse we were always a family. It wasn’t always perfect, nothing ever is but we had each other none the less. I think because I always had my dad around who is a strong religious man, I held the men I dated up to his standards. They were the standards that I knew from a father to daughter relationship perspective. I never fully knew the problems that my parents may have had between them because they kept that away from the children. Did this distort the perception I had of men and what I expected of them? Perhaps, all I knew was how I saw my dad treat my mom; how he treated me told me a man should treat me. No one told me that my parents came from a different era, that they got together in a time when divorce was simply not the answer. That no matter what you stuck it out; you kept it together for the kids. Weather you were miserable or not it was just what you did.

            So now I’m a grown woman and all that I thought is not, all that I was taught doesn’t seem to be so. Now what? Have I lived my life in vein? Should I still look for what my parents have? Not in this day and age. I can’t see it. I’m not getting any younger and I simply don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. But you know what I’m a romantic at heart and I can’t help that I still think I’ll get my knight in shining armor one way or another, hook or crook. My president is black anything can happen.

Smooches…Ms. Milky Gabor

EXPERIENCING THE STRIP CLUB

            I was watching a reality series called Bridezillas the other day. The fact that women sign up to go on national television and show the whole world how hateful they can be to their loved ones and strangers alike is a story all in itself. What caught my attention was a 23-year-old woman who was losing her mind because her fiancé was at a strip club for his bachelor party. These crazed women actually drove up to the club and demanded that he come outside and talk to her. I couldn’t stop watching; I could not believe what I was seeing. It got me to thinking about my first time going to one. I lived with my ex-boyfriend at the time and there were nights when he came home late, drunk and horny after the leaving the strip club. I can’t ever remember being upset that he had gone. For whatever reason that was something that never really bothered me. It was all the other extracurricular activity that did us in.

            One day I decided that I was taking my boyfriend to the strip club. I wanted to see what all the hoopla was about. After work I went to the bank and changed $100 dollars into singles (I couldn’t imagine giving away anymore than that). Later that night as I was getting ready he seemed a little nervous and me if I was sure I wanted to go. I was gung-ho and ready to see what it is he does when he’s out there. When we got there he took me to a table in the back and I had to ask him “When you come where do you usually sit”? When he answered “The bar” I walked straight towards it, had a seat, slapped my stack of singles on the counter and said “Do what you do”. He then looked at me with this huge smile and said “You’re the best girlfriend ever”!

            From that night on we went to the strip club together often.  We went more than we went to dance clubs. It’s not that big of deal to me. I’m not a lesbian nor am I interested in women sexually what so ever; we just had fun. We had some of the realest conversations we could ever have with a chick upside down on a pole and Hennessy in our glass. I’ve had many a conversation with women who’ve said “I would never” and have such a problem with it. A lot of them seem to think that it’s a gateway for their men to cheat. I’ve told them the same way I wish I could have told the young lady from Bridezillas. If you can’t trust your man then you shouldn’t be with him. A strip club is a place of business; women get paid to dance topless (there is no full nudity in N.Y.). If you can’t trust your man to go to a place of business, enjoy himself and come home without incident then you need to re-evaluate the one your with. A strip club is not going to make your man cheat, hell you send your man out into the world everyday amongst women who can be so much more scandalous than any stripper and will gladly sleep with your man for free.

            I’m not trying to advocate strip clubs or say that it should replace quality time with your man; I’m just saying sometimes instead of dinner and a movie do drinks and the strip club. It’s not as bad as some women think; depending on which strip club you go to because you can mess around and go to a local hood bar and get traumatized for life. Please be selective and have an open mind. To this day I sometimes go with my brother or my homeboys. I’ve watched a lot of deals get made in that place and I for one would hate to miss out because of the so called “Boy’s Club”.

Smooches…Ms. Milky Gabor