AINT NO LOVE IN THE HEART OF THE CITY
'SINGLE IN NEW YORK'

Being single in New York for a certain period of time will open you up to different ways to meet people. Recently I allowed a friend of mine to set me up on a blind date. I’m not opposed to blind dates because I’ve been on a few in the past and actually had a great time. I also acquired some good friendships that way so when I was approached I was all for it.

A few weeks ago my friend Tania and I met up for happy hour. Tania and I use to work together and now at least once a month we try to get together and catch up. In the midst of conversation and a few drinks in Tania blurts out “Oh my God I have the perfect guy for you.” I believe the only questions I asked were what was his race and what he did for a living. When Tania and I worked together it was at a major bank’s corporate office; so when she told me he worked in finance and securities I didn’t think anything of it.

The next week Tania called me to say that she gave David my number and that he would be calling me later that evening. For some reason or another David and I just couldn’t get it together to hold a conversation. We kept missing each other’s calls so we decided via text to just meet up for dinner. We agreed on meeting that Wednesday evening at one of my favorite restaurants. We were to meet at 8pm. I arrived early so I could have a cocktail to calm my nerves.  I’m sitting at the bar and I’m talking to the resident bartender Rick about my upcoming date. It seemed like time flew and before I knew it, it was 8:10pm. I had to dig into the bottom of my pocketbook so I could check my phone and sure enough David had left me a text message saying he was running late. I texted him back to say that it was ok. When I went to put my phone back in my purse there was a man standing close to me, almost on my shoulder. I moved a little forward in my seat as I turned around.

I had on dark shades so I couldn’t really make out who I was looking at or exactly what he was looking like. I just heard him say “Hi pretty what’s your name?” As I began to focus in on him I could see he had his hair pulled back in a ponytail and had on a full karate outfit. The first thing that ran through my mind was who the hell let this fool in here looking this crazy? Not that wearing a karate outfit is crazy but wearing one in a restaurant on Madison Avenue is. All I could say to him was “I’m sorry I’m not trying to be rude but I’m waiting for someone.” As I turned my head back around I could see the reservationist Jackie walking towards me smiling. As she became closer I heard her asking if “we” were ready to be seated. She reached to pick up my drink and I put my arm out to stop her and asked her “What are you doing?” Her facial expression then changed and said “Your guest is here so I was going to move your drink to your table for you. When I turned back around this clown was grinning from ear to ear. He had the audacity to say “Surprise!” I can’t even express in words my horror. I was completely confused; I struggled to say “Your David?” I know my face was expressing my horror because I could not believe what was happening.

With all of my being I was trying to think of a way to get out of walking through this restaurant with this dude in tow. I couldn’t even hold my composure but at the same time I didn’t want to be a complete asshole. Somehow we made it to our table and to this day I can’t tell you how because I feel as if I blacked out or left my body or something. Now I know some of you may be saying I’m being way too dramatic. I promise you this is me being extremely good because dude looked like Sho Nuff’s stunt double. Seriously, and I don’t know how to function or deal with stupidity. Under no circumstances is it ever ok to come to a restaurant in that insane attire. Past that all I could think of was exactly how I was going to attack and beat the shit out of Tania.

Needless to say dinner was not had by the two of us together that night or any other night for that matter. After sitting down and looking across the table at him dinner and conversation was not going down, but a couple of questions were in order.

"So David, I thought you were coming straight from work?"

"Yeah I was but I decided to get a little work out in before heading over."

"And you didn't think you should probably change first?"

"Nah, I figured you'd find it sexy you know, knowing that you will be protected."

As I took the last swig of my dirty martini I said "So you thought I would find you sexy and feel protected if I met a perfect stranger for dinner for the first time wearing a Sensei outfit? That alone lets me know that we can't go any further than this moment right here."

"I don't understand."

"I know you don't sir and that is a major problem for me and in all reality it should be for you as well. Have a blessed day."

As I walked out past Jackie she said "Better luck next time."

I smiled because as crazy as that was I know I'm going to do it again. I hailed a cab and gave the driver Tania's address as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail.


Smooches…Ms. Milky Gabor